Save the Robot – Chris Dahlen

TwitchGuru (?) has a story on the 50 Greatest Female Characters in the History of Video Games. (If you just want the slideshow, click here.)

Agree with it, disagree, or just gasp at how silly it is, there’s something in the list for everyone. Myself, I’m struck by how seriously the writer takes this. Not only did Rob Wright find 50 game characters, dig up the art and write blurbs about every one of them explaining what makes them attractive. But look at the language: he judges them by how fun they’d be on a date. For example, Samus Aran of Metroid: “Pros: She’s a take-no-prisoners bounty hunter with state of the art weaponry and a killer body. Cons: She’s always wearing that damn suit, and she’s probably taller than most male gamers.” Taller than most gamers. Well, my TV is only 27″ diagonal, so I think I still have an edge there – except Wright’s imagining himself standing beside her. You know, as if she were real.

Now, I understand having a crush on a fictional character. When I was a kid, I was nuts about one of the actresses on Dr. Who – specifically, Lalla Ward, who played Romana. (The second one.) Sure, there was a real woman playing that character, but that’s beside the point: I get why people, especially geeks, fall for characters who don’t exist. They give us some kind of an ideal representation of our soulmate – and it never has to get more complicated than that. Fate gives you the perfect girl and all you have to do is follow each other on zany adventures. What a great way to short-circuit adolescence!

But when you talk about video games, there’s something else to consider: unlike my still photo of Lalla Ward that I bought from a collector shop (and did not – repeat – did not handle improperly), video game characters interact with you. They can flirt. They can have sex with you (mostly off-camera). I covered some of the possibilities in a story for The Escapist last year. Not only do some RPGs, like Baldur’s Gate II or Planescape: Torment, include romantic storylines that you can unlock and enjoy depending on how you play; but fans of those games actually develop mods to extend the romances, and to let you come back and hug, kiss or flirt with your imaginary friend as often as you want. As modder and game designer Jason Compton told me, “When people sent me their saved games for debugging, I could see just how often they were using the flirt options. Hundreds of times, it turns out, in some cases.”

Yes, in the past you could fall for fictional characters. But only video game characters can “love” you back.